


i need you to know i'm alright

by mariette



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:50:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5154308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariette/pseuds/mariette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine what Steve Rogers thinks about before he goes to sleep.</p>
<p>This is a continuation of the story "Oh, If I Could Go Back in Time". But both stories can be read alone and in no particular order do they need to be read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i need you to know i'm alright

**Author's Note:**

> Long time no see! I've missed writing for this pair. I really, really have. I was looking back at old stories of mine and realized I never actually finished this little mini series or whatever you'd like to call it. I wrote it in Bucky's perspective but never did in Steve's like I had originally intended to. So, here it is a year and a half late.

When he was, honestly he didn’t even know how old, but when he was younger he struggled with his health. Ever since he could remember if it wasn’t the asthma it was the heart condition and if it wasn’t that it was his color deficiency. All the time there was something going on with him. It made the night time terrifying for his mother. That’s what was good about having Bucky around.

Bucky always knew how to make his mother’s forehead crease a little bit less, always made it so that she could turn that worried frown into a genuine smile. Steve felt safe around the both of them. Bucky was what always made it easier to sleep at night. He would pull up the couch cushions in the middle of the room and make some sort of fort out of them. He always made sure Steve had the most padding even when Steve insisted that he didn’t need it. They would lay there all night talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Bucky telling Steve stories about the neighborhood kids or Steve telling Bucky a store that his mother had told him. They went on and on for hours on end.

Steve was always the first one to fall asleep. He never liked to be. Somedays he would struggle to be the last one awake. Bucky knew what he was doing, though and he would wait him out. Bucky won, he always won. Steve never argued though, he knew why it had to be this way. Somebody needed to make sure he was still breathing. He liked these arrangements, though. And he was even more excited that they continued on throughout their adult lives.

Around the time Steve’s mother died he found it increasingly harder to sleep at night. All he would even think about is her rotting corpse in the ground. How, there could have been some way to save her. Miracle or not there had to be something Steve could have done. It honestly made no sense to be blaming himself for her passing but he still did anyways, because he was Steve and that’s what he did--make everything his own problem.

Bucky would try and console him at night. Lull him to sleep by humming or speaking softly to him. Rubbing at his neck and letting him nuzzle as close to him as he could manage. For the most part Steve would eventually get sleep but it would take hours. He assumed Bucky got very little since he always fell asleep after him. He didn’t want to keep being the reason Bucky had to work 13 hours days and only get 3 hours of sleep. So he learned to live with his grief. For the sake of the person who makes Steve’s grief his own.

When Bucky left for the war, sleep didn’t exist any more. Only ever complete exhaustion. He assumed he was going to die like that. Working all day for as long as he could manage, and then keeping himself occupied for as long as his body would let him before it decided to completely shut down. He wasn’t ever taking proper care of himself but he didn’t care. Because if he did start taking care of himself that would mean he would need to be sleeping better. Sleeping better means the nightmares come back and he never wanted to see his boyfriend get shot in the fuckin’ head again, even if it was just a dream.

He didn’t sleep much after he was injected with the serum. At least not at first. Once he got Bucky back, the first thing he wanted to do was throw a blanket around him, lay him down, and never let him go. They spent their nights together talking about Steve’s new body, mostly. How he doesn’t have any health concerns anymore. He was most proud of the perfect 20/20 vision. (Only because he fell in love with Bucky’s eyes all over again, but he’d never admit that). Bucky was most concerned about how he survived without him there. Steve knew he wouldn’t like that answer “I barely survived and was okay if I died freezing in the apartment if it meant seeing you again”, so he didn’t tell him.

After Steve found out that Bucky was alive in the 21st century he flat out refused to sleep. His mind was always racing. Where was he? Why didn’t he remember Steve? How the hell is he even alive? Where has he been all this time? Is he going to find him? Is he going to try and kill him again? Sleep didn’t exist yet again and this time it was a lot harder to go until you can’t go anymore when you’re a supersoldier. He tried for days to just shut his damn eyes and get at least an hour. Just one measly hour of sleep, but he couldn’t he needed to find Bucky.

When he got Bucky back he watched how his boyfriend changed. He went from corrupt serial assassin, to untrustworthy timebomb, to possible actual human being (minus the metal arm). It was hard to watch him try and sleep some nights. Steve still was the one to fall asleep early but this time he knew it was for a different reason. Bucky wasn’t staying up to watch him anymore, he was staying up to watch himself. To make sure that he was consciously aware of his surroundings and didn’t do anything more to hurt Steve. And Bucky could sit there and tell Steve that he was crazy all he wanted but he knew he wasn’t. He was scared and he could see. Steve wished he was able to stay awake as long as Bucky did, just to watch the creases melt away in his sleep, to see even the tiniest bit of resting. But it never happened.

Steve was sure that somewhere deep down there that kid from Brooklyn was still looking over his scrawny best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm hoping I have enough motivation to keep writing this pairing because I honestly enjoy it so much. Let me know of any story ideas you want me to delve into, or if you have a really cute prompt I could muster something up with. Honestly, anything would be great. Hope you guys enjoyed it.


End file.
